Daddy's got no time to write any pearls of wisdom tonight. I gotta get up a bit earlier tomorrow to make sure I get to work on time. I have my first performance review at 10am sharp.

They say a popular tactic is to start off with praise, then get to some criticisms, and then finish off with a little more praise. I wonder if they'll go by the book. I'll report back later.

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Sure we all see the Canucks on TV and maybe even at the bowling alley, but do you wonder what they do when they're travelling to road games? Once in a while, the Canucks web site offers a small glimpse into the players' off-ice life.

In the latest set of pictures, we get to see the players on the plane down to California. Apparently, there's no snack cart onboard, it's all self-serve for the boys. Reading the paper also seems like a popular way to pass the time. As seen here, Bert catches up on the sports scores. Notice the ad in the lower left-hand corner of the paper, yep, that's him in it. Trev looks pretty interested in a business book. Could the current president of the NHLPA be looking at a business career after hockey? A lot of the players like to take off their dress shirts on the plane. Half the guys are lounging around in their undershirts. See the rest of the pictures here.

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Some of you know I'm a big fan of Sacha Baron Cohen, known for his comedic characters such as Ali G, Borat, and Bruno.

Just a few days ago, Cohen hosted the 2005 MTV Europe Music Awards in his Borat persona. What followed was a display of comedy not seen since... well, since I saw Borat on TV last.

You can view a promo he shot for the awards show here (Windows Media, 13 Mb). Don't miss Borat mentioning his delight for "hand relief" and misprouncing Lisbon as "lesbian". Without a doubt, Borat ain't the most politically correct guy out there.

So what kind of material did Borat pull out for the show? He didn't disappoint in my mind. After Madonna's performance on the show, Borat had this to say:

"That singer before me. Who was it? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite, he was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi-satchels that gave it away."

For more Borat quotes from the awards show, please click here.

With such outrageous comments, you'd think Cohen would eventually get in trouble with somebody and now he has. The Foreign Ministry of Kazakhstan has had enough of Cohen's portrayal of their citizens as drunken misogynists who frequently refer to animal abuse as a pastime. Country officials are not ruling out legal action. Click here for more on this story.

I wonder what it's like to be sued by an entire country?

BONUS LINK: See and hear Ali G interact with a few NBA players here.

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Because I stayed up late on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, it wasn't easy getting to sleep on Sunday night. At around 3am, I was still relatively awake when a sharp noise pierced the quiet of the night.

"What the hell was that?" I thought. Because of the double-paned windows in my bedroom, street noise is at a minimum. What I heard at that moment was loud though. It sounded like some dude was just leaning on his horn inside his car and just giving 'er. It so loud I was wondering if it was coming from the secured parking garage for residents.

After lying in bed for a minute or two trying to figure out what was going on, whoever was leaning on the horn started to make "soundscapes". It wasn't exactly a melody but it was off and on... then on for a long time... off for like a millisecond... then on again.

Now things began to really turn in my head. Was it some guy slumped over in his car? Was he in dire need of help and signaling with his horn? Because I had just started playing a zombie video game earlier that evening, I thought this is it, the zombie invasion has begun and the first guy to go down was that dude in his car outside my bedroom window.

Then the source of the horn started moving. As evidenced by its diminishing volume and slight Doppler effect, the horn seemed to be moving away from me. It didn't go away completely, perhaps just down the street. I briefly thought about calling the cops. The horn then moved again, this time so far away that I could barely hear it.

As I closed my eyes, my thoughts turned to if Wendy's was still open. Several minutes later, the horn sound returned, this time it seemed like it was right outside my window, louder than before. After a minute, it stopped. I heard it again but it had moved away again. It was just random beeps now, every two minutes or so.

It stopped after an undetermined amount of time. I somehow fell asleep in a puddle of my own drool.

The next day, I found out I was the only one in my family who heard the disturbance. Weird.

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Well, they finally made a movie about being stuck in the "friend zone". It stars Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart. The movie makes its debut on November 23.

What is the "friend zone"? If you're like 99.9% of guys out there you won't need an explanation. For those still clueless (ie. most women), I'll leave the explanation to a quote from the title character in the movie:

"The 'friend zone' is like the penalty box of dating, only you
can never get out. Once a girl decides you’re her 'friend,', it's
game over. You’ve become a complete nonsexual entity in
her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp."

Amen to that brother. No guy ever sees himself heading towards the "friend zone". It always takes a guy by surprise. Typically, what happens is that a guy starts off great with a particular girl. They seem to get along, they do stuff together, hang out, and in general, the girl appears to enjoy the poor sap's company. Then, at a critical moment, when things could turn romantic, she pulls the dreaded "let's be friends" speech outta no where. There are several variations on the speech but it has been known to include terms like, "love you like a brother" and "I hope we can stay friends forever".

It's at this very precise nanosecond that the guy realizes where he is. He is in the "friend zone". No guy is ever just over the border either. Any guy in this situation is about a bazillion miles in and he checked in penis at customs, he just didn't realize it until now.

At this point, there's very little a guy can do. One option is to completely go with it and say things like, "Yeah! I love being friends with you too! Yay!" The guy then stays friends with the girl. Now invariably, if this happens, the girl will find a boyfriend in less than two weeks. It's also guaranteed said girl will start discussing her new beau with the "friend". She'll start saying things like how big her new guy's penis is, you know stuff the "friend" is just dying to hear. For the "friend", it's a lot like taking a tiny bit of poison each time they talk.

The other option requires a bigger set of cojones but this happens a lot less. This involves the guy telling the girl he's not interested in being just friends and that he thinks they might have a great relationship together. Almost assuredly, the girl will have a differing opinion at which point the dude should walk. The hike outta of the "friend zone" at this point is suprisingly short and they'll have his penis ready for pick-up as soon as he gets to the border. I will admit, I have never heard of any guy doing it this way before.

Being in the "friend zone" is an oft discussed subject among guys and the existence of such a place is lamented. I don't want to toot my own horn, but it was me who coined the following phrase:

"I've been in the 'friend zone' so many times, I own property there because it's cheaper than renting..."

There will never be a solution to the problem of being in the "friend zone". People will invent flying cars and wrinkeless linen before that happens. On the other hand, the problem does ensure the video game industry will be thriving for eons to come. Guys figure if they can't have a girlfriend, they might as well play video games.

I must also add a disclaimer, I am not advocating that guys should not have female friends. On the contrary, I think every guy should have at least one platonic female friend to get an insight into how women think and behave. Guys who have such a friend are better off than guys without.

Well, let's get back to the movie I was talking about. It has a pretty good web site. You can view the trailer and see the profiles for all the main characters. There's even a kick-ass ecard that girls can use to send out their "friends". Now the guy can get the bad news in the comfort of his own home. Also, in a blur of marketing and blogging the title character in the movie has his own blog. In it, he has tips for recognizing and avoiding the "friend zone".

I'm pretty sure I'll go see this movie when it comes out, if only for once, I'd like to see another guy take it up the pooper.

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